Self Empathy vs Self pity / Blame – what’s the difference?
You know when you do or say something that you regret and then you either get that horrible queasy feeling of guilt or shame in your stomach or heart and then you can’t stop thinking about it and how you should have done it differently… (so blaming yourself basically)
OR you start to feel sorry for yourself, thinking it's not fair! Why does this always happen to me? Other people keep doing X to me.. It's not fair!
I know i can recognise both scenarios in myself.. I remember many times when I felt guilt and shame as quick as the speed of light or imagined that I had a curse on me for attracting these behaviours from other people all the time!
In both situations I am giving away my power and wallowing it what went wrong rather than listening to the part of myself that actually chose to behave in that way for a reason.. A very beautiful reason that somehow chose a tragic strategy to express itself.
So what else could I do in those situations?
Another option is to practice self empathy, the art of listening to the feelings and needs behind my own thoughts, actions and words, so that I can better understand myself and my thoughts about others and begin to move towards making choices that nourish the lives of myself and others.
So Let’s have a look at some of my own reflections so that you can begin to see the differences between self empathy and self pity or self blame,
These examples are coming from my own understanding and experience, and my invitation is for you to explore these differences in your own life and see what you find resonating.
Examples of thoughts:
1) Oh shit.. I bet she thinks that I was ignoring her or that I'm rude.. I should have waved at her when she walked by!
(I feel sad and I mourn that I didn't wave at her, as I so long for connection and I care about how others feel)
2) I’ll never be able to find a suitable job / partner / i’m just not good enough
(I feel insecure, I really would love to have some companionship in my life)
And rite now we are really just at the start of translating the words that we use to speak to ourselves, bu the real transformation happens in the body, in our intention and our awareness of what is happening when we come from either of these 2 paradigms.
IF you would like to learn more about how to connect with yourself from a place of compassion and self awareness, then please have a look at my upcoming online courses in the link below.