What are you most afraid of sharing with other people? Those things that you would love to say but feel so afraid of how you will be seen or if it is safe for you to do so.. those moments when you really wish that someone would welcome you as you are, with all your deepest fears and longings without being judged or reassured or told to change....
Today and this week I am noticing one of my oldest childhood “core beliefs” about myself which comes as a voice that says “I am stupid and that what I have to say is not intelligent or interesting or valuable to others..”. This voice began to speak when I was 8/9 years old and I found out that I was dyslexic and I was put in a separate classroom from other kids and when I realised that other kids could read and write and express their ideas with more ease than I could. For many years now I do not believe that this voice is speaking the truth about me and yet I tried to fight against it in order to “change” my reality. Now I no longer want to eradicate this voice from my life, as I realise that each time that it speaks to me, if I choose to “google translate” this message into a language that expresses the powerful needs and longings that truly live behind it, then each time I hear it I get the opportunity to connect with something very sweet, powerful and beautiful within me.
So the powerful message behind my thought that “I am stupid” can quite literally be translated into: “I am longing to contribute to the world, to discussions and to people and I want to belong and to be loved just as I am”. When I look at the beauty of what that means, “to contribute to the world”, I am touched by how my inner critic really wants for me to shine in all my quirky colours and to bring care and inspiration to others, a totally different message than “I am stupid” right?
Sharing these vulnerable spots with people can be a challenge because we are conditioned to think that “your pain is my responsibility” and so we reassure each other that those thoughts you have are not true, that “you are intelligent / beautiful as you are” or that “everything will be ok”. And whilst this comes from a place of care it can take away from the power of this person's vulnerable self expression.
When I experience someone sharing their vulnerability with me, I feel touched and immediately so much closer to them. I almost want to say “darling..wow.. thank you”, I want to thank them for their trust and honesty and I notice myself wanting to move towards them in meeting the soft tender sweetness that leads them to share with me.
It can become hard for me at times, to receive someone's vulnerability as “sweet” when I have a belief that I am responsible for “making things better”, then I become stressed, I move away from hearing their sweetness and I either move towards judgments of them or myself, such as “Oh crap.. It's because of me that they feel that way” or “this kind of thinking is not helpful - I better help them out”, or “oh shit.. I don’t know what to do when they say such things.. How can I make them feel better so that I don't have to be with my own discomfort” so, I start to reassure them so that the pain will stop and everyone will feel better. It’s in these moments that I realise that I need some empathy around my own pain first, before I can hear the other person with full presence so that I can truly receive their gift with open arms.
What I mourn about those moments when I try to fix or move on from someone's pain, is that I then miss out on all of that delicious sweetness that comes from being with them in their vulnerability.
For me when I truly express myself vulnerably it comes from a moment of inner power, because it takes energy, self connection and trust for me to do so. And in doing so I am welcoming you into my inner world. When others open up and share their vulnerability with me, I experience it as a gift of trust for me to meet you in your full self and invitation for me to fall in love with all the parts of who you are, not just the shiny parts on the exterior.
I would love to receive your gifts of vulnerable self expression In which parts of your life are you feeling the most vulnerable rite now? Are you willing to share them in the comments below? Or send me a private message with your precious gift.