This is not the first time that I have mentioned the topic of Guilt in my weekly news letters to you.
(If you have been listening to my Podcast then you may have listened to the last episode that was published called :
It has been a powerful and transformation, albeit uncomfortable, familiar and often debilitating emotion to connect with and experience (sometimes relentlessly) over the course of my existence as a human.
And so that is why I want to return my attention towards this powerful emotion again.
To remember the ways in which it has and continues at times to pull me towards myself whilst looking outwards for validity and understanding.
It makes it hard for me to stay with the pain or upset in another person when I imagine that I have done something wrong and feel guilty as a result of these thoughts.
The power of guilt has 2 directions that it wants to take me towards, in order to learn and understand myself and the roles that I play in relationship to others.
It either takes me into stress, worry and self defense and / or self pity and a big puddle of guilt and deep shame.
What I have noticed is that when I am connected to either of these states, I have no space for the people or person who is experiencing pain in front of me, because I am obsessed with my own “wrongness”.
Until I am liberated from the wrongness of my actions, it is very hard for me to truly connect to their experience and have empathy and compassion for them. The focus stays with me and that is because I am desperately trying to understand and accept myself whilst there seems to be no way for me to do so.
The “Liberation From Guilt Process” by CNVC trainer Yoram Mosenzon, is really the first step I like to take before entering a dialogue where others might be angry, upset or hurt in response to something that I have done or said. It supports me to recognise the reasons why I did what I did and feel connected to the human being in me who was trying the best that she could to meet her needs at that moment that I am now facing with remorse.
When exploring my choices in this way, rather than via the lens of “right or wrong doing”, I can relax into a curious space within me where I experience:
Curiosity to Learn
Openness and wish to understand the experience of the other person without taking it personally or making myself “bad / wrong”
No longer attached to self defense or feeling lost in a puddle of guilt + shame
It liberates me from the heaviness of the judgments I have towards myself and brings me into a much lighter, more open, accessible and available space where curiosity and listening can happen and healing begins to occur between me and the person that has experienced pain with me.
It is yet another process that I am excited to be teaching on my upcoming Intermediate course which is starting in just a few days….
If you are new to NVC and wanting start with the basics, or perhaps you have been reading the books, watching videos and now you want to start living these concepts, check out my WORKSHOPS page for upcoming foundational training in community, where you can embody these skills with one another.